Childhood. Anger. Release.

People kept telling me
Convincing me
Forcing me

To think
That accepting abuse meant being strong
So that they could keep abusing me 

Instead of saving themselves
By doing the work
I found a way to save myself
By doing the work

You gave me a shattered plate I could not use
Pieces, shards, and edges and said
“Here, eat off this plate
And if you can’t swallow the pain
Without cutting your insides,
Then it’s your fault.”

Go fuck yourself, you cruel idiot
Fuck you for doing this to the human you created
Fuck you for standing over me just because you fucked and had me
Anybody, even the worst, can do that shit
It doesn’t mean shit.

You think you deserve asylum from your sin because you brought me here?
You should be ashamed
That you were the one who brought me here and abused me here
What do you want me to do, crawl back up your pussy?

Go fuck yourself, it was your choice to bring me here
So when you use that against me
Who’s responsibility is it really?
When you fucked and had me, that’s on you, not me
When you abuse me, that’s on you, not me

You think you had power
Power belongs to alphas, not betas
I was too young to see your lies,
So I internalized

And I went to school, thinking that this was my fault
I don’t have friends who can relate, and it’s my fault
You hit me, insult me, and it’s my fault

But it was only a matter of time before I grew up, showed up, and made it
Now I see what you did to me, who you were to me

As I heal the pain you made me swallow that cut my insides
I feel anger, shame, and guilt for not having my own back
I still feel like it was my fault that I let you treat me bad.