Uncertainty is liberating 🦋 For those with a dream or a passion – 1 year ago, I had no choice but to see that I was living a life I never wanted.
Instead of fighting and writing, I had chosen a competitive career in sales because I was trying to fill the void of what I had given up as a junior national wushu gold medalist. I hadn’t healed from the emotional trauma of competing – the verbal abuse from my Dad and body-shaming from my Mom.
I had stayed in a toxic relationship, because I was conditioned to believe that love meant abuse. Even though I had self-recovered from binge eating and lost all the weight immediately after my breakup, I still felt worthless as a woman and an athlete. I had no idea what was next.
So as the life I never wanted came to end, I found the courage to choose the life I actually wanted. All I wanted was to find my way back – to feel worthy again.
As I let go of the man I once loved, I found my younger self and one true love I had never let go of, martial arts, and said “I will never give up on you again.”
I didn’t know that I would compete in my first fight. I didn’t know that I would learn to love my body. I didn’t know that I would have the physique, confidence, and opportunity to both direct and model in the most incredible photoshoots. I didn’t know that these photos would then be featured on several Instagram accounts celebrating women in martial arts.
Uncertainty is the beginning of change; death is the beginning of rebirth.
Because just when I thought my life was over, it had finally begun.