Uncertainty is liberating 🦋 For those with a dream or a passion – 1 year ago, I had no choice but to see that I was living a life I never wanted.

Instead of fighting and writing, I had chosen a competitive career in sales because I was trying to fill the void of what I had given up as a junior national wushu gold medalist. I hadn’t healed from the emotional trauma of competing – the verbal abuse from my Dad and body-shaming from my Mom.

I had stayed in a toxic relationship, because I was conditioned to believe that love meant abuse. Even though I had self-recovered from binge eating and lost all the weight immediately after my breakup, I still felt worthless as a woman and an athlete. I had no idea what was next.

So as the life I never wanted came to end, I found the courage to choose the life I actually wanted. All I wanted was to find my way back – to feel worthy again.

As I let go of the man I once loved, I found my younger self and one true love I had never let go of, martial arts, and said “I will never give up on you again.”

I didn’t know that I would compete in my first fight. I didn’t know that I would learn to love my body. I didn’t know that I would have the physique, confidence, and opportunity to both direct and model in the most incredible photoshoots. I didn’t know that these photos would then be featured on several Instagram accounts celebrating women in martial arts.

Uncertainty is the beginning of change; death is the beginning of rebirth.

Because just when I thought my life was over, it had finally begun.

 

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.